Looking back on these scars on my fore arm

line after line some have faded

there were once so many that the veins dissapeared

Its funny how I thought hurting myself would rid the world of pain

A long time ago

When self mutilation was all around

No one thought of it really other than who ever did that must be crazy

Quite wrong in fact

When the ideas start stirring and darkness creeps in

Almost anything is possible

To find a way out and through the pain

Gathered through out the years

Why do people pull the trigger?

Splattering the hearts of their families

With just leaving them vacant memories

It all seems so easy

Much easier than the suffering that life gives

The suffering is unavoidable

Im afraid not even suicide can alleviate the pain

My heart goes out to those who could bear no more

The realization that there is no escape

Suicide is a on going suffering, from life to afterlife

My haunted house when I was young was inhabited by a man who committed suicide

The pain transcends time and all veils

Our lessons never stop

There is no end

The only way out is through

Its one things to court suicide but when all things are added up

We see the shiny truth

That life is beautiful

Nothing is worth the light and life within

Just a bit of strength can hold us through

even if we borrow a loved ones strenght until we can create our own

the strength is there

Maybe those who ended it never thought of just living

With our care

Without judgment or reason for grudges

No one should ever feel so pushed to the edge

That taking life is necessary

Living life

Loving self and family

Making use of what time and resources we have

Let go

Its all that is required

And the ability to be free

Freedom comes… words or chains can not bind this romani heart

There is no option to end life

And those who are at the end of their rope

Need to readjust their hearts in the light

We are all free

A change in consciousness

Death does not wipe us clean

It just recycles us again

Over and over

The same lessons remanufactured in similar ways

Let us learn our lessons

Find ourselves

And free our pain

A thousand butterflies for every sour bitter sharp memory

I will my pain to transform into something beautiful

Wildflowers

Butterflies

gentle streams

dew drops on flesh colored rose buds

Let us be gentle and do as we will

With out causing harm or pain to none

just to live uninterupted
with out question

it is time for a change

I would like to give you two things: Roots into this earth and wings into the heaven. Meditation is the earth, it is here and now; the very moment you can spread your roots, do it. And once roots are there, your wings will reach the highest sky possible. Compassion is the sky, meditation is the earth, and when meditation and compassion meet, a Buddha is born.
-OSHO-

Look at Nature: In Nature the colours flow afresh every day, new flowers bloom each morning. Even before the old leaves have fallen, the new buds burst and new shoots spring up. The festival goes on. Such is the life of a religious person. He will be festive each moment and grateful that he is. His every breath is an expression of gratitude and benediction.
-Osho-

The will to power and to dominate arises only in the sick mind. It arises out of the inferiority complex. People who are not suffering from an inferiority complex do not care about power; their whole endeavour is for peace, because the meaning of life can be known only in peace - power is not the way.
Osho

JUST ONE QUALITY of the Buddha has to be remembered. He consists only
of one quality: witnessing. This small word witnessing contains the whole of
spirituality. Witness that you are not the body. Witness that you are not
the mind. Witness that you are only a witness. As the witnessing deepens,
you start becoming drunk with the divine. That is what is called ecstasy.
-Osho-

You will need civilisation, culture, education, but don't get identified
with them. They are games. One can play them because one has to live in society... Watch so that you don't get identified with them, and whenever they are not needed be natural.
-Osho-

Remember one thing: meditation means awareness.
Whatsoever you do with awareness is meditation.
Action is not the question, but the quality that you bring to your action.
Walking can be a meditation if you walk alertly.
Sitting can be a meditation if you sit alertly.
Listning to the birds can be a meditation if you listen with awareness.
Just listening to the inner noise of your mind can be a meditation
if you remain alert and watchful.
The whole point is: one should not move in sleep.
Then whatsoever you do is meditation.
-Osho-

The lotus flower has been very symbolic to the East, because the East says you should live in the world but remain untouched by it. You should remain in the world, but the world should not remain in you. You should pass through the world without carrying any impression, any impact, any scratch. If by the time of death you can say that your consciousness is as pure, as innocent as you have brought with you at birth, you have lived a religious life, a spiritual life.

The lotus flower grows from the mud in the water, and yet remains untouched. And it is a symbol of transformation.

-osho-

im here...finally
awake and aware.
aware of my brteath...thoughts and passing uncomfortorable phases
some how i kept myself under a cloak of dusty ilussions...popping pills and guzzuling luquid crack...and drowing in wine
its no wonder i lost my sanity

i feel my skin around my bones
i can see the sun shining and feel its warmth
i hear my childs laughter and it makes me cry
i know the worth
of simplicity

it has taken a long time
this is day 6 of my detox
its been hard.alot of crying and instability and ups and downs.
sick to my tummy
dizzy and crazy...ive been really hungry too!

im waking up finally!